Me.
He told me. “Just keep breathing. So keep Calm.” She told me. “Son, You’re special. You are bound to do great things.” They told me. “Everything happens for a reason.” Without reasonable doubt, they were right.
I write. It is what i do. It is undoubtedly an expression of which i choose to take to reflect my inner thoughts. Yet sometimes they are dark, but hell we all have dark times don’t we? I know not many will read what i have to say, nor care. But if you do read every word in which i write i am grateful for your care, and would be gratified by any sort of notification.
Sadness drifts in and out of my life on occasion, only the real issue at hand is i don’t become sad like most people do i often get overwhelmingly depressed. why? reasons vary, sometimes they are memories, sometimes they are revolved around actions of what others do in my personal life or sometimes it is beyond a mystery. Often we find ourselves, or maybe some of us, in a similar predicament. To me it is devastating, and there is only so much i can take.
Memories strike me. The only two words to humanly describe the last few years of my life is “my survival.” Am i happy that this happened? Yes. Am i happy of how it has played out? not particularly. I thank the people who were briefly involved, but nobody has really stuck around for me. only my family has. I guess people are horrible human beings. I have been bullied nearly my entire life, friends i have turn their backs against me. I am nothing but nice to people and often, to my belief, jealousy, or unreasonable mysterious hatred just somehow spawn. I do not understand. Do i hurt people? Absolutely not. if you know me, you should know i will be nothing but nice to you and always deeply care about you. I would never do anything to go out of my way to hating you. I am very loyal, compassionate and of course loving. What did i do wrong? Sure ive made some small mistakes, but hell everybody does right? i mean why lament over a mistake ive made or things ive said that somehow.. bother you which leads me to disbelief.
If you allow me to enter your life, i can promise that i will try whatever i can to make u smile. cause i genuinely care about you. i will always be your friend no matter what happens because i barely have any and they always leave my life unexpectedly. I will never take you for granite and i always talk to you if u wish to talk to me.
I often feel alone alot of the time, i surround myself in heavy metal and games. Yes it makes me happy, but sometimes a real friend is what makes things right. All my friends that have left me treat me with such respect and then it turns in to drugs and alcohol surrounding me, leading me to be overwhelmed and overdose. I hate it. I ve always wanted good friends, but sometimes the people who turn me to drugs give me so much gratification of respect at times it often leads me back to them. And i will say from the bottom of my heart i hate them and i hate drugs. I just have a demon, a demon that emerges when i am surrounded by them. And i cry out for a good friend but often they judge me because of who i have associated with or how i dress or act. I think of myself as outgoing and chill, but i am quite afraid you yourself think i am socially awkward. I wear black to express myself, everyone thought i was a suicidal satanist maniac. If only they could understand for just two seconds that i am unreasonably kind and just want a close friend maybe things would change, but i guess my search still continues.
Please understand, i am simply a good friend with a love for metal and games. i am nothing more. i am not a drug addict or a fiend of sexual desire or a conning asshole. I do not know why these rumors spread about me, but i can assure you if you would just look into my eyes and listen you will know who i am. I am determined to show as best as possible who i really am, just lend me your heart and ears and i can promise any of you, i will not let you down.
